BLACK GIVES WAY TO BLUE

"I don't wanna feel no more

It's easier to keep falling

Imitations are pale

Emptiness all tomorrows

Haunted by your ghost

Lay down, black gives way to blue

Lay down, I'll remember you"

~Jerry Cantrell / Alice in Chains

It's been exactly One Thousand, Five Hundred and eighty-three days since I lost my brother Tim to suicide.  One Thousand, Five Hundred and eighty-three days since I last posted on this blog. It never felt right.  Honestly, I haven't been able to write much more than ranting Facebook posts since.  I've sat down to write countless times about things that felt important at the time, but there was nothing there.  I'd stare at the keyboard until I would talk myself out of it. Never feeling like the topic at hand was important enough to break the silence created here by my brother's gut wrenching decision to take his own life. That changed this past week with the passing of Actor / Comedian, Robin Williams.  

The comment was made to me after my third or fourth Facebook post about the comedian's passing, that "I didn't know you were such a fan of Robin Williams."  Truth be told, I really wasn't.  For the most part, I was never impressed with most of his films.  Of course there are exceptions, but typically not my cup o' Tea.  Now his early stand up comedy, that was a different story.  Pure brilliance.  I'm heartbroken that he took his own life. Not because he was a celebrity, but because he was a fellow human that was in enough pain, that he chose to end his life.  Just as I am whenever I hear that any other person chooses to end the one and only life they get prematurely. Any emotional distance that time afforded me to separate myself from the heart searing pain I felt that day in April of 2010, is always erased in an instant when I am told of another's suicide.  I may as well be hearing my Mom sobbing on the phone, telling me we'd lost Tim.  

In the aftermath this week, there has been a lot of comments about Mr. Williams' mental health, his addictions, political leanings and even a debate over his final resting place...Heaven or Hell?  That fairy tale nonsense aside, the thing that has upset me the most, the thing that finally pushed me to sit down and open this wound and write, was the accusation that his suicide was a selfish act.  I heard it in the days after my brother's death.  I've heard it when I've discussed my own thoughts and plans of suicide.  It's a common response in our society to the act.  Being common aside, it's insulting, ignorant, lacks any sense of empathy and frankly, pisses me off.  

If you've said it or thought it, You're wrong.  You're either misinformed or a dick.  I'll be generous and give you the benefit of the doubt and pretend you're the former.  

Despite what your religion tells you, or what your grandparents/parents and their generation(s) think, Depression IS an illness.  An all too often fatal one. Serious depression and anxiety is debilitating. Unless you've experienced the all consuming black hole of loneliness, isolation, and desperation that comes with genuine depression, You don't get to have an opinion...at least not one that matters anyway. To dismiss the concerns of the genuinely depressed on the grounds that you’ve been sad or "in a funk" before and just "got over it" is like dismissing the trials of someone who’s had to have their Leg amputated because you once stubbed your toe and ten minutes later, you were A-OK.  

Depression lies.  I don't pretend to know how someone without mental illness thinks or reacts to the news of a suicide, I'm not one of those people and haven't been for a very long time, but I know how someone contemplating suicide thinks.  Depression is illogical, it devours every positive thought and turns it negative.  It tells you you're not good enough and never will be, that nobody loves you and would rather you weren't around, that those around you would be better off without the burden of dealing with you, That situations that might not necessarily be serious seem insurmountable and terrifying, that the ultimate act would actually be one of selflessness or generosity.  To accuse a person thinking in such a manner of being selfish is unrealistic and even cold hearted.  It implies that the sufferer has other options or that they "took the easy way out".  I don't know, but overriding millions of years of human evolution and it's inherent self preservation instinct, certainly isn't "easy". Other options may exist, but all too often those come attached with a social stigma.  Be it medications, therapy or just admitting you have a problem.  Telling me that it was selfish, only increased the anxiety.  Told me that my pain was irrelevant. That how those around me feel or might feel were more important.  That I have a greater obligation to ensure their happiness before mine.  That's not to discount or minimize the pain that suicide does cause for the survivors.  I live with that pain every day.  It's real and it deserves attention, and I would hope that people don't chose suicide as an option, but not just because they feel they owe it to others and others feelings to live in pain.  

The tragedy of suicide is that there are options.  That with help. with therapy, with medications with the support of friends and family you can find a way to live.  You can find a way to heal.  You can find a way to be reasonably happy. You can find a way to live the remainder of the one go around we get at this thing called life.  That despite how you might feel about it, thousands of people will kill themselves.  Thousands more will try to kill themselves, and millions more will do everything they can to just live one more day. To call the act selfish minimizes all of that, and instead says that the primary reason for our existence is the the happiness of our family and friends, and not living a meaningful, happy life for yourself.  Only the realization that our own lives have meaning, that Our own happiness is worthwhile, is what can make a difference.  Calling it selfish only increases the guilt sufferers already feel.  To insinuate that by contemplating suicide that I never considered how my wife, my kids, my family and friends might feel, is wrong.  I did...I do.  Every fucking day.  In the darkest times it's often my children that get me through the day.  As a survivor, never, EVER, not ONCE did I feel angry with my brother. Never did I feel what he did was selfish.  My only thoughts were always that he knew I fought depression, and wished that he'd felt that talking to me would have been safe.  but I understand not wanting to confide in someone.  Worrying about what others might think if you admit that you are overwhelmed by life and don't see a way out.  

Calling it a selfish act ultimately does more harm than good, so please DON'T.

DO take the time to try and understand those around you that might be suffering.  Know the warning Signs of suicide.  I HATE how uncomfortable the word suicide makes people.  30,000 people in the US commit suicide every year, and 750,000 more will make an attempt.  It's time we tackle the epidemic that is anxiety, depression and suicide, head one and not perpetuate the negative stigma that remains, and that includes not being afraid of the word itself.

DO contact your friends struggling with anxiety and depression.  They may not respond, but believe me, just knowing that someone was thinking about you enough to try and make contact means something.  Don't let the lack of a response push you away.  There are just times it's too much to even think about human interaction. 

DO encourage those that are struggling, to seek help.  Take the time to find out about the services available in your area.  HTTP://www.afsp.org/ is a great source to start with.  

DO check on your friends or family that are suicide survivors.  Especially after a high profile suicide like we've lived through this past week.  It's often a trigger for those dealing with depression, suicidal thoughts, or survivor's guilt.  Even if you think "Oh it's been years since their loved one took their own life".  It doesn't matter.  It still hurts.

 
DO make sure the people you love, KNOW you love them.  Every chance you get.  You never know when you'll no longer have that opportunity.  

Down in a hole...

Fuck it...Fuck it all to hell!!! Why? Why didn't you talk to me? Why didn't you tell me? I wish you had known that I'd have understood and not judged...That I'd have known how you felt because I feel that pain every fucking day of my life. And now you're gone, and I can't help feeling that if only I'd done something different...That if I'd tried a little harder to talk to you. You better have fucking known that I loved you, because I did. I'll write more later when my head's not spinning, trying to make sense of it all. But for sanity's sake, I had to say goodbye.

IT'S 1984

>"There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug in your wire whenever they wanted to. You had to live—did live, from habit that became instinct—in the assumption that every sound you made was overheard, and, except in darkness, every movement scrutinized." ~ George Orwell, 1984

In the aftermath of the events of September 11, 2001, our government seized the opportunity to make something of a prophet out of George Orwell, albeit 17 years late. This civil liberty trampling came in the form a piece of legislation commonly called The USA Patriot Act. The contrived acronym stands for Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act of 2001, increasing the ability of law enforcement agencies to search telephone, e-mail communications, medical, financial, and other records; easing restrictions on foreign intelligence gathering within the United States; expanding the Secretary of the Treasury authority to regulate financial transactions, particularly those involving foreign individuals and entities; and broadens the discretion of law enforcement and immigration authorities in detaining and deporting immigrants suspected of terrorism-related acts. The act also expands the definition of terrorism to include domestic terrorism, thus enlarging the number of activities to which the USA PATRIOT Act’s expanded law enforcement powers can be applied.

On the surface This seems all well and good. Anything to help our government track down and stop potential terrorists before they could strike again. Who wouldn't want that? But at what cost to our personal privacy and civil liberties as afforded us by the Bill of Rights?

Three years ago I had been selling items on the internet auction site, EBay. I had sold a handful of items and had packaged them up and told my wife I'd only be gone a few minutes as I was taking them to the Post Office to ship to the auction winners. Most of the items were Star Wars action figures or other related memorabilia, but on this day, one of the items was a USB powered electronic timer. It was an electronic timing device that had the ability to run multiple counters, going up or down and was run by plugging into a USB (universal Serial Bus) port on a computer. This particular item had been won by an individual in Ontario, Canada. I got to the counter and piled my packages there for the Postal worker to weigh and determine postage. I had the timer set aside as it was the only international package I had that day. When He had finished marking all of the domestic packages, I handed him the timer box. He started to input the information and suddenly stopped, looked up at me, then reached and turned his monitor away from me so that I couldn't see it. He paused, then explained that there were a couple issues with sending this item internationally and since it was so busy if I wouldn't mind stepping to a side waiting area until a supervisor could come and get things straightened out. At this point I didn't think this was any big deal as I'd had many snags in my time shipping packages out of the country. So I stepped into this little alcove and sat at a table waiting patiently. The next individual to enter the room was a local Sheriff's officer (whose station is conveniently located right across the street) walked in and asked me to come with him. When I asked if I had a choice, he sternly looked at me and said "No". I was ushered into a small room and sat at a table. When I asked what this was about, all I was told was that someone would be in shortly to explain it to me. Forty-Five minutes later a gentleman entered the room, and identified himself as an agent with Homeland Security. He sat down opposite me, and laid a file folder that was easily over an inch thick full of papers down on the tale. The folder had my name on it. Inside was documentation of everywhere I'd ever lived, gone to school, worked, and held bank accounts. Names and contact information for extended family and friends. Detailed accounts of all the phone accounts, land line or cell, I'd ever had, internet service providers, online accounts like EBay, and even my membership as a field investigator in the UFO investigation group MUFON. What followed was 4 hours of intense questioning regarding my knowledge and connection to the person who I was sending the electronic timer too. I was not allowed to call my wife or a lawyer, and when denied those requests, the Patriot Act was cited saying they were not compelled to allow those things at that time and could hold me without them for considerably longer. At one point I was asked if I still belonged to MUFON and I jokingly asked "Why, you guys hiding something?" He stoically looked at me and responded, "I'm asking the questions here". What I didn't know at that time was that the individual that had purchased the timer was on the Terrorism Watch List and they wanted to know who I was and why I was sending him a computerized electronic timing device. After insisting again and again that I had no connection to this person they asked if they could inspect my car. I told them to go ahead and that all they'd find in there was probably a few french fries dropped between the seats from my kids' Happy Meals. They proceeded to run bomb sniffing dogs through my car. Once that turned up negative, I joked with them again, that they could check my house too since it was only a few blocks away. They never did think I was very funny. Though at that point they seemed satisfied that I wasn't connected in any way other than the EBay buyer/seller relationship, but did ask me to not alert the individual of the day’s events and that if I did, they would know. I asked what would happen with him and the item and I was told that they "would deliver it personally." They let me go and I returned home to try and explain to my wife why I'd been gone nearly 5 hours when it should have only taken 15 minutes.

It seems a bit funny and so stereotypical in a "cloak and dagger" kind of way now, but it certainly wasn't then. It was unnerving to see how much information they could collect within such a short amount of time...or was it something they already had? I'd heard rumors that MUFON membership got you put on a watch list, but I'm not sure I was ever that much of a conspiracy theorist. (Okay, maybe I was). I felt way more violated than protected at their ability to collect the sum total of my life into a folder in forty-five minutes. Do we really want to abandon all of our rights to any illusion of privacy just so the government can tell us that we're safer from terrorism? For me, I'd much rather preserve my civil liberties and rights to privacy and take my chances with the dramatically low chance that I'll be the victim of a terrorist attack. It's things like The Patriot Act affording ever expanding powers to the alphabet groups within our government or organizations like Infragard that empower everyday citizens as watchdogs for the FBI, that trample our constitutional rights without regard and push us closer and closer to being victims of an Orwellian "Thought Police" government, and the fact that Obama has reversed his earlier opposition to the provisions of the Patriot Act, and instead sought to have them extended, very well may be my biggest disappointment with his administration to date. It's easy to dismiss my position as reactionary or paranoid, until you're sitting across a table from a folder with your name on it. Be careful...Big Brother is watching.

GOD DOESN'T HATE GAYS, CHRISTIANS DO

FINALLY! A blog post that lets me momentarily indulge my full on "man crush" on Dave Navarro, even if it is just to post a intentionally antagonistic photo. This past week, a political story has been brewing here in Washington State. No, it wasn't a reaction to South Carolina's Congressman Joe Wilson's shocking outburst during President Obama's Health Care speech, nor was it the controversy surrounding the President's speech to America's school children. Both pissed me off, though they don't even come close to the ire incurred by Washington State Referendum 71 initiated by a group calling themselves Protect Marriage Washington. Referendum 71 seeks to repeal Washington State's current domestic partner rights. Yet another hate based agenda, initiated by faith based organizations who have learned from the Mormon's mistakes in California with their blatant endorsement of Proposition 8. Making it extremely vague as to any affiliation with specific denominations so as to protect their beloved Tax Exempt Status which prohibits their direct endorsement of political initiatives or candidates. Yet the Protect Marriage website has legal advice for pastors and churches regarding what they can an cannot say and highlights "talking points" that are without question faith based. It's time that we stop indulging iron age social phobias based in folk tales and regard each human being as truly equal. Even the phrase "sanctity of marriage" often used by anti-gay marriage organizations (and our most recent former president) endorses a religious connotation.

SANCTITY - 1 : holiness of life and character : godliness 2 a : the quality or state of being holy or sacred : inviolability b plural : sacred objects, obligations, or rights

Christian fundamentalist/evangelicals find themselves all too often losing the argument that there is necessarily something mentally/physically wrong with homosexuals, so they have begun fighting the movement on a different front. That the treatment of homosexuals as equal citizens, as an equal human being, is threatening their religious liberty. Is the preservation of "religious liberty" a justification for the treatment of a minority group, one that simply opposed their religious beliefs, like second class citizens?

Rick Duncan, a Welpton Professor of Law at the University of Nebraska College of Law writes:

If gay rights laws are enacted, religious persecution follows inexorably. Religious dissenters...are marginalized and stigmatized as “homophobes” and as outlaws... Public school curricula soon reflect the change in the law, and our children are made a captive audience for learning the new social understanding of marriage and family and of unlawful discrimination... In contemporary America, the greatest threat to religious liberty is the gay rights/gay marriage movement...

What if he had written:

If civil rights laws are enacted, religious persecution follows inexorably. Religious dissenters...are marginalized and stigmatized as “racists” and as outlaws... Public school curricula soon reflect the change in the law, and our children are made a captive audience for learning the new social understanding of desegregation and family and of unlawful discrimination... In contemporary America, the greatest threat to religious liberty is the civil rights/interracial marriage movement...

Is there any fundamental difference except for the minority group in question? The religious right loves to cite Biblical chapter and verse as examples of the classification of homosexuality as a sin. Leviticus 18:22 , 20:13 and I Corinthians 6:11 among the most popular. This is where they lose all credibility with me. If you are going to use the Bible as any sort of divinely inspired commandment from your God, don't you have to use it all? Why does it seem that Christianity consistently views the bible as a Vegas buffet. Taking only what they want, and leaving the rest to compost. Just as easily as you can find those verses against homosexual behavior, you can cite numerous examples of biblical endorsement of slavery in both Old and New Testament. Leviticus 25:44-46, Exodus 21:20-21, Luke 12:46-47, and 1 Timothy 6:1-2. Not to mention the limitations of woman's rights to speak/teach/preach in I Timothy 2:11-14. Embrace all of it, or none at all. This "ala carte" religion is WAY too convenient.

It's often asked why would two same sex people even feel the need to get married when most of the legal/financial benefits can be reached in other ways. Why is that question any different for gay and lesbian couples than it is for heterosexual couples? I know for myself that my wife and I are married for social validation of our relationship where our parents were concerned. It was a piece of paper and ceremony that in their eyes only endorsed what she and I had already felt. Why is it then perceived as such a danger for same sex partners to want the same social validation? I mean outside of the antiquated religious dogma that drives this discrimination. The idea that the homosexual lifestyle is rife with sexual deviants with multiple fetish behaviors is nothing more than scare tactic and religious propaganda. Heterosexuals have many of the same "deviant" desires and behaviors, thus rendering the concern that such behaviors will suddenly be taught to their children in schools moot. Again, nothing more than dogmatic propaganda. As much as they would love to convince you otherwise, homosexuality is real. It's not a demonic possession of an otherwise heterosexual person. Regardless of what Ted Haggard would like you to believe. The former leader of the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) is fond of saying he was just a Christian heterosexual with issues. Sorry Ted. The devil didn't make you suck cock.

Then today it was announced that a Federal judge has ordered the State of Washington to keep the names of the people who have signed the petitions to get the referendum on the November 3 ballot private, in fear of them being persecuted or harassed. Bullshit. Plain and simple this is an attempt to keep quiet those specific christian denominations behind the initiative in order to protect their Tax Exempt Status. Shouldn't those attempting to change state law, be open to public scrutiny? the late comedian George Carlin said it best:

"Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time! But HE LOVES YOU! He loves you, and He needs MONEY! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!"

So if you live in Washington state, and are a registered voter, read the referendum carefully. It's worded backwards, so a vote to "approve" is a vote to preserve the rights of same sex couples and put a dent in the continuing cycle of religiously endorsed hate in this country.

JESUS KILLS

Let me start by saying that this is a difficult post to write. I am the son of a veteran of the conflict in Vietnam, my uncle was a chaplain in the military and I have relatives currently serving in the armed forces. I respect and thank them for their service and realize that to varying degrees, their faith played a part in their being able to endure that period in their lives. While there is some validity to the argument that it's their service that protects the constitutional freedoms that allow me to speak openly about my convictions the way that I do, there are just some things that I refuse to ignore.

It's 1967, and my Father has just recently returned from his stint serving the U.S. Marine Corps for eleven months building pontoon bridges in Vietnam. The Assemblies of God Church, the largest evangelical christian denomination in the world and the one I was raised in, takes notice of the social struggle internationally as well as domestically that the conflict is causing and changes it's longstanding position of pacifism and embraces the worldly support of war and the US military as a metaphor for their spiritual struggle. To that point in time, the religious life in the Military had been largely populated by moderate mainstream conservative denominations like the Catholics, Methodists, Presbyterians, and Episcopalians. The evangelicals saw this as an opportunity to not only infiltrate this intended secular institution, but to turn it into a branch of their missionary work abroad. Flash forward to the 1980's and under Commander in Chief Ronald Reagan, The Pentagon began accrediting hundreds of Evangelical and Pentecostal Bible Colleges. This allowed graduates from these schools to dominate the ranks of the military chaplain positions. Schools that all too often preach that their faith is the one true way and all other faiths are nothing short of agents of Satan. (Ask a hardcore evangelical what he or she thinks of the Catholic or Mormon faith - odds are the word "cult" will be used more often then not). Today nearly eighty percent of the 2,900 chaplains in the US military are affiliated with Evangelical/Pentecostal denominations.

The Officer's Christian Fellowship (OCF) was an organization formed during World War II that once was a benign ministry group supporting a soldier's personal faith, but in recent years it has become much more Militant. It's the most organized fundamentalist group within the Military with 15,000 active members and a strong presence on over 80 percent of US Military bases worldwide. Their Executive Director Retired Air Force Lt. General Bruce L Fister, Calls the Global war on terror "a spiritual battle of the highest magnitude." Approximately 22% of the current US Military identifies themselves as evangelical. The Officer's Christian Fellowship calls them “ambassadors for Christ in uniform,” and the Campus Crusade Military Ministry called them “government paid missionaries". a book called "Under Orders: A Spiritual Handbook for Military Personnel", by Air Force Lieutenant Colonel William McCoy has been promoted with the following: “Under the rubric of free speech and the twisted idea of separation of church and state,” and endorsed publicly by General David Petraeus (the senior US Commander in Iraq, until September when he was promoted to the top spot in the US Central Command, running operations from Egypt to Pakistan) saying "Under Orders should be in every rucksack for those moments when Soldiers need spiritual energy". When asked to retract his endorsement by the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, Petraeus claimed it wasn't meant to be a public endorsement. The Military Religious Freedom Foundation is a group that has fought countless acts of religious intolerance. It's President, Michael Weinstein and his family have been the target of countless threats and acts of vandalism stemming from his investigation of the evangelical fundamentalist's actions. At a service at Fort Bragg promoting his book, Never Surrender: A Soldier’s Journey to the Crossroads of Faith and Freedom, retired three-star general William Boykin said of Weinstein's "attack' on Petreaus' comments. “Here comes a guy named Mikey Weinstein trashing Petraeus, because he endorsed a book that’s just trying to help soldiers. And this makes clear what [Weinstein’s] real agenda is, which is not to help this country win a war on terror.” “It’s satanic,” called out a member of the audience. “Yes,” agreed Boykin. “It’s demonic.” Then there's the Christian Embassy. Founded by Dr. Bill Bright who was was also a co-signatory of the Land Letter of 2002 which outlined a Just War rationale for the 2003 invasion of Iraq, providing a theological underpinning for the invasion being planned by President George W. Bush. The Christian Embassy is a group dedicated to the ministry of US leaders both political and military. They filmed a promotional video, in the Pentagon, using at least 4 uniformed officers, which is a direct violation of military protocol which prohibits the Military from endorsing any specific religion / faith. The Military repremanded all of the uniformed officers, but all were later promoted. Author Jeff Sharlet, wrote a piece in the May issue of Harper's Magazine titled "Jesus Killed Mohammed: The Crusade for a Christian Military". In it he details many examples of these actions that directly violate the current General Order Number One which specifically forbids "proselytizing of any faith, religion, or practice". An Easter morning in Iraq where after watching the widely considered anti-Semitic movie, "The Passion of the Christ" soldiers from the 1/26 Infantry of the 1st Infantry Division have an Iraqi interpreter spray paint the words "Jesus Killed Mohammed" in large red Arabic letters on a bradley armored fighting vehicle. This vehicle then did a "Run and Gun" mission through the city of Samarra to draw insurgent fire away from the camp. All while the same painting interpreter was commissioned with the task of chanting the same antagonistic message to the city via bullhorn. Assuming that all of the weapons fire trained on them was hostile insurgent action and not religiously offended Muslims, the bradley lays waste to the neighborhood. Later the driver of the bradley, lieutenant, John D. DeGiulio tells Sharlet that he had taken the movie earlier that day as a sign he would survive, and that "each time I go into combat, I get closer to God." Aljazeera television recently ran a story which showed footage of a meeting led by a chaplain in which they were discussing how best to distribute bibles translated into local languages. Stating that presenting them as "gifts" was a good way to circumvent the General Order number 1 prohibiting open proselytizing. Video from a Trinity Broadcasting network show showed two US christian missionaries being escorted and protected by Military personnel distributing bibles. Then there's the daily intelligence briefings that them Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, or The christian evangelists speaking at the Air Force Academy that preached that the only way to end terrorism is to "Kill Islam."

I could cite countless other examples of religious intolerance, bigotry, and complete disregard of our constitution. The radical evangelical movement within the military, concentrated in the officer ranks, is bent on spreading their special brand of religious nearsightedness around the world. As another Chaplain states in that Aljazeera video that while the special forces hunt men, they are "hunting souls." Driven by what they call the "Great Commission". Matthew 28: 19, 20 (19) Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: (20) Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. They are blind to the fact that these actions do nothing but support Al-qaeda and other anti-US groups contention that the United States is on a religious crusade. Giving them the greatest of recruitment tools. That these actions do nothing to separate us from the religious extremists that flew those planes into the World Trade Center Towers. The Oath of Enlistment states, "I, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic..." It says nothing about hunting souls, spray painting crosses on mosques, or getting into an argument over who's god can beat up who's. I was against the military actions to begin with. but now, when someone asks me to support the troops, there is no way I can respond positively. I'm not trying to deny a soldier the right to believe the way he wants. In fact, If a soldier's faith is what helps him or her get through the daily horrors of war, then that's great and within their constitutional rights but keep it to yourself. Nobody held a gun to their head and forced them to join the Military. If 80 percent of enlisted soldiers and officers consider themselves Christian, then they can rely on their god for support. But when the Military goes away from protecting my Constitution, and begins spreading ideologies and revisionist US History in some Christian Jihad wielding weaponized faith, then that's where my support ends.

THE UNFORGIVABLE SIN

But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin. - MARK 3:29

Back in the Winter of 2006 the Atheist site The Rational Response Squad issued a challenge to atheists everywhere to come out of the closet so to speak, and make a public affirmation of their beliefs by denouncing the "holy spirit" and thus committing the only unforgivable sin mentioned in the Bible. It was called "The Blasphemy Challenge" and soon after they threw down the proverbial gauntlet, You Tube was overwhelmed with video after video of people stating for all the interweb world to see that they denied the holy spirit. It even became national news on shows like Nightline and CNN. Videos are still being added to You Tube this day, as are the opposing Christian responses.

While I'd tell people I was an atheist if they asked, I had never made a point to tell anyone, especially those in my family that are still outspoken practicing evangelical christians. I never felt it was that big of a deal. I mean I've always enjoyed pushing boundaries and offending them to some degree. A Jesse Jackson for President T-shirt worn to a family reunion comes to mind. I'm not sure one of my Uncles ever got over that one. For the most part, these are very good people who I enjoy spending time with. It was the primary reason I had ignored the Facebook friend requests of an Aunt and Uncle. The very uncle that married my wife and I. I told myself it was because I didn't want them to be offended by anything I might say, and to some degree I suppose that it true. Then two days ago I was talking to my mother on the phone. My mother, to whom I've never said "I'm an atheist". Our conversation covered many things, but ultimately found it's way to a couple religious topics. There I found myself mentioning things like the Boy Scouts policy against atheists and my reading a book by noted Atheist Sam Harris, and I'll be dammed if I wasn't all of a sudden on the verge of a panic attack quickly changing the subject. What the fuck was that about? For all my rants on Facebook with old friends and my blog posts here I suddenly found myself feeling like that quiet boy that didn't ask questions and just followed her to church. I think at that moment it might have been easier to admit to her that I was gay.

I am an Atheist. I Believe there is no god. I no more believe in the Judeo-Christian god than I do Allah, Ra, Apollo, Quetzalcoatl, Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, or Midi-Chlorians. I believe that faith is a intellectual cop out. I believe that it's a waste of my time to deal with people that say "Faith is all I have, and nothing you say will change my mind". That's fundamentalist for "shut up and go away". I believe that being an atheist frees me to share ideas with everyone rather than arrogantly dismissing everyone else's viewpoints because they don't match your own. I believe that being an atheist frees me to focus on those that I love rather than be afraid of some supreme being and his punishment/or reward of an afterlife. This is the one and only shot we get, so we need to make the most of it. I need to do a better job of doing that and stop being worried about what someone might think of me and my beliefs, Family or not.

Oh, and about that Blasphemy Challenge...



And if I'm wrong...In the Immortal words of Han Solo in the Empire Strikes Back "Then I'll see you in hell"

In ? we Trust - or - One Nation Under Dog

"I Pledge Allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all." - The original Pledge of Allegiance, 1892

Statement:
We need to get back to the Christian ideals that this country was founded upon.

That statement, or a variation of it, is used countless times by the fundamentalist Christian right in this country. It's become a catch all cure of sorts for everything they consider wrong with society today. Abortion, the Gay Rights movement, the secularization of our public schools, and if you ask Oklahoma state senator Sally Kern, the economic state of this country. Quite possibly the most offensive example of this attitude occurred on the September 13th, 2001 episode of the Christian television show, The 700 Club. Pat Robertson, Founder of CBN (Christian Broadcasting Network) and the Christian Coalition, interviewing Jerry Falwell, founder of the Moral Majority, where both men agreed that the attacks on 9/11 might have been allowed by god due to moral decay in this country.

It's a sentiment that annoys me like nothing else. I hear it repeatedly from christian friends, read it in research, see it on TV and in the newspapers spewed by conservatives religious and political alike. A prime example of Christian dogma and revisionist history. While I will concede that the majority of this country is of the Christian faith, that simple majority should, in no way, dictate the kind of change and blatant disregard for the Constitution that that has been allowed to happen. Again the arrogance of the western judeo-christian faith rears it's ugly head. It seems too many of them fall prey to that old axiom that if you repeat a lie enough times, people are bound to begin to believe it.

FACT: Nowhere in the Constitution are the words God, Jesus, Christ, Christian or Bible found. Not even in the Amendments.

Don't you think if the intention was to establish this country as a "Christian" nation that one or two of those might have been thrown in there? This was intentional. If you define Christianity as one who believes in the divine works of Jesus Christ, then one could say that some of the more prominent founding fathers were not Christians at all. Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin were outspoken Deists, believing in a "supreme being" who doesn't concern itself with the daily lives of humans or communicate with humans in any way. Nor did they believe in any of the supernatural events (miracles or revelations) described in the Bible and lived without a need for faith or organized religion. George Washington and James Madison were also Deists, though both went out of their way to avoid religion in most matters. Thomas Paine was also described as a Deist, though became much more of an atheist in his later years. John Adams was a liberal Unitarian, though in much of his writings seems to share many of the themes of Deism. Jefferson even went as far as re-writing the Gospels without any of Jesus' superpowers called "The Life and Morals of Jesus of Nazareth". He was once quoted as saying "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the supreme being as his father in the womb of a virgin, will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." Unfortunately, that has not yet come to pass.

FACT; The 1797 U.S.A. treaty with Tripoli George Washington writes that the United States was "in no sense founded on the Christian religion". This treaty was presented to and ratified unanimously by the US Senate and signed under the presidency of John Adams.

FACT: The Constitution of the United States declares that "no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States." (Article 6, section 3) ensuring that no single religion could make the claim of being the official, national religion, such as England had.

FACT: The Very amendment to the Constitution that allows us all freedom of speech addresses this as well. The First Amendment states, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”. Thus preventing there from being government sponsored religious practices or activities. The Basis for the principles of Separation of Church and State. In his letter to the Danbury (Conn.) Baptists Association shortly after his election, Thomas Jefferson reiterates "Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, & not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," thus building a wall of separation between Church & State."

FACT: Our Nation was founded in 1776 but "In God We Trust" doesn't appear on U.S. coins until 1908, and paper money not until 1957 in an act of religious and political propaganda to counter the threat of those godless communists. Thank you Joseph McCarthy . The Pledge of Allegiance was written in 1892 and was just fine "God" free until 62 years later in 1954, when ‘under God’ was added at the behest of the Knights of Columbus (A Catholic fraternal organization) who felt it wasn't right that it was left without reference to a deity like other countries in Europe.

FACT: Supreme Court Decision Engel vs. Vitale (1962) found that Any kind of prayer, in public school districts, even nondenominational prayer, is unconstitutional government sponsorship of religion on the basis of the First Amendment.

When reviewing all that, remind me again why Christians still believe their repeated rhetoric? I understand that they contend that their faith is based on the "one true god". Don't you Christian's understand that we are both atheists, I just happen to believe in one less god than you do? Your arrogance and sense of entitlement aside, does it mean anything to you that the fact remains that that this country was based in a spirit of freedom from religious oppression with guidelines meant to strictly maintain those boundaries, while still allowing you the right to believe and worship any god you chose in any way you chose so long as those boundaries are respected? Obviously not or we still wouldn't have to worry about fighting the attempts at public displays of prayer in schools. Read Matthew 6:5-6. In it Jesus states “Whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, because they love to pray while standing in synagogues and on street corners so that people can see them. Truly I say ... Read Moreto you, they have their reward. But whenever you pray, go into your room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you”. Obviously not or my children wouldn't have to say the phrase "under God" every morning in school. Obviously not or I wouldn't have to see the phrase "In God We Trust" on ever piece of money I touch. In a sense, we agree on one thing...that this country needs to return to the basic fundamentals on which it was formed. Only problem is that my desire is based in historical fact, backed by the Constitution of these United States of America. While yours is based in the same fairy tale make believe land inhabited by your god.